Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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