Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
