A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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