You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
