woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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