your room smells of hookers.
And success
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
