Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
