im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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