Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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