My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
