Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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