My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
