ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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