Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
