Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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