Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize