By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
