I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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