So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
