dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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