We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
