So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize