Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
