my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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