we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
