Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
