Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
