there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize