Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
