O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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