Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
