I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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