Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize