Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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