Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
