I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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