Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
