4 words: hood of his car
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
