I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
