Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
