I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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