I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
