Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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