he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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