Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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