Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
