Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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