her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
