there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
