butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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