I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
