yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
