i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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