she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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