CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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