There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
