Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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