I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
