I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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