So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
