broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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