The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
