While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
